Infernal Hopes Torn Asunder

"You can spend a lifetime regretting a single moment, and a moment reflecting upon a lifetime."
- D. J. MacTaggart

My fleshless, lifeless fingers had grazed over the well worn spines of most of the tomes within the dark library of the Omega Institute, seeking for answers to reclaim the feeling of life within my hollow shell. I now sought 'Las Legiones Infernales' a book supposedly containing dark demonic magics that may prove fruitful for my search.
The shadow of my weary bones cast over the last few books, and a crimson spine stared at my single silver eye. The book, as always it seemed to be, was one of the last amongst those I had searched. Without hesitation my boney fingers reached out to collect its prize, a dusty whisper eminating from the bookshelf as I pulled it free. An illusion of a tongue ran over faux lips as I carefully opened the cover, the archaic words held within the book reflected within my silvery gaze.
I hurriedly, yet gently skimmed through the pages, seeking the answers to my unspoken questions... and yet.. nothing. My search was in vain, if at this time I had had lungs with which to breathe I would have sounded a sigh. My phantasmic voice cursed aloud, for no true reason than to show my disappointment.
I shake my head, knowing that to others, they currently saw the illusion I had been wearing to avoid too many... disturbances.
I pressed the book into the bookshelf once more and glided down the stairwell, moving swiftly from the library and towards the Haven. Within the Haven was a gathering of some of the more senior members of the Omega Institute, the Praetors GrrBrool, Joah and Larissa.
As I walk towards them I press the flat of my palm to my jaw, pushing my head to the side, the click of bone sounding audibly around me. GrrBrool cringes at my action before grinning and speaking.
'Now was that straightenin' it, or breakin' it?' At his words I craft my illusion made lips into a smile.
'I am merely adjusting myself.' I run my gaze around the bar, before turning back to the trio, allowing my silver eye to look between them. Joah and Larissa discussed the halloween costumes and dresses from previous days as I focus upon myself, gathering darkness as I attempt something. My words echo within my own mind as Omega enters the bar, to be greeted by Larissa with a warm embrace.
My ghostly voice echoes about me as it sounds out from my mind. ''Lyan Ramec Catya Ganen Belphegore', my hand glows red for a brief moment before returning to its 'normality'.
The Lady Omegas voice rouses me from my thoughts as she speaks my name.
'GrrBrool... Joah.. Kaine.. It's lovely to see so many of you..' I raise my gaze and incline my head politely to the Lady, I once more form a smile on my illusion crafted lips. 'Omega... Perhaps I should take off my halloween costume?' My words provoke a smile from Omega.
'Perhaps I should, too...' Her words come amidst the fading of my illusion, allowing them to see what they know to be my true form.
I shake my head briefly, the strands of hair falling away from my head, fading into nothingness and the ghost of my other eye shrivelling. Willing the conjured skin to recede, muscle and bone beginning to show as I look to the others with my single silver eye. GrrBrool shudders, his lips pulling back in instinctive revulsion of my true appearance.
My hand drifts up to rub idly at my empty eye socket as I focus on Grr, speaking with a voice no longer physical. 'What is wrong friend.. my appearance unnerves you?'
Once more my words cause Omega to smile before she speaks. 'Actually I think it might be an improvement.'
Grr speaks simply to me, the honesty for which he is known. 'Always has, always will, mate, but, i know who and what ya are, just . . .always takes some time ta get used to'
I shake my head towards Omega, the only word I form within the air being 'Harsh'
Joah and Larissa simply watch, and listen as the scene unfolds, understanding what is happening, whilst Omega speaks once more. 'I never was one with conventional taste in aesthetics, perhaps I just welcome the sight of you.. as you are. No illusions.'
I raise and then lower my shoulders in a loose shrug, before replying. 'I have been thinking about giving myself a makeover.. maybe the odd enhancement... implant.. perhaps its boredom.. or a lust for what I foolishly gave up..'
Omega looks to me with the familiar smile upon her features 'I bet we'd have far less trouble with non-returns if we sent you to collect books like that....'
Grr joins in with the Lady of the Institute in the joke and speaks. 'well ... .thats a right good point there . . .'
I emit a low chuckle 'Most likely.. but then... if i wore my true form all the time, no one would come to get the books in the first place'
Omega once more addresses me calmly as the joke falls away. 'You may appear however you please, M'dear... it matters not to us. We know you, for you, not your form.'
Unbelieving of that thought gracing the masses of this accursed city, I wave a single hand dismissively 'Others are not always so... hospitable, as well you would know..'
Joah raises her sight and looks towards me. 'Does it itch . . . when you take off the illusion? Is it like a snake, shedding its skin . . . does your true form fight to come forth?" He eyes seem to study me as she questions the illusion I wear.
Omega smiles once the question is posed and speaks briefly, before moving from the bar. 'If you'll excuse me, I might slip into my less formal Halloween gear.'
I shake my head towards Joah 'The illusion is just that... it is nothing, crafted of the magic I gained for this.. price, there is no feeling to remove it.. I could appear how I wished at any time with a certain degree of ease.. yet... I have no wish to change too much.' It evokes in me a feeling of almost.. pain, to think of it, but I hide this as I continue talking, trying to turn my malady into a joke. 'Though I admit, some part of me is tempted to adorn myself with a robe and carry a scythe, just for the effect on others.' I chuckle.
Larissa watches Joah quietly during the exchange before Joah speaks again. She shakes her head 'Illusion . . . I see. Sometimes I feel as though . . . well, never mind.' she murmurs quietly to herself. She reaches down and strokes Grr's shoulders absently.
Larissa takes a few brief steps to move to Joah "You mean truth... seeks to surface?"
Sensing Joahs troubled thoughts I tilt my head to the side 'If you wish to vent your ... doubts about them, I am willing to listen.'
Grr whines happily at Joahs affections and leans into her leg, his eyes cast in my direction as he nods with my words. Joah now seems silent, simply nodding to Larissa, before her eyes wander around the bar, looking at the strangers, perhaps wary of speaking before them.
Grr continues to look towards me, before asking of me the question I expected. 'I guess tha question is, does tha illusion come natural to ya, or are ya at peace with who and errr . . what ya are now . . .?'
My eye may betray my brief flicker of the deep sorrow I felt, but I tried to supress it before speaking. 'Joah knows how I feel about my current... 'life' and what I wish... Fidelis Insquequo Mortem.... and I am long past it now.'
On mention of her name, Joah looks to me once more and speaks softly. "Kaine . . . I have researched the matter. I've spoken with Pontifex to confirm my conclusions."
I expect the words that are to come and shake my head, raising a hand as if to halt their advance, knowing its in vain. 'I am dead.. there is no return for one such as me.'
Omega walks slowly back in, a hint of emotion on her face as she is reminded of her once-lover Pontifex. Joah speaks softly, but the words thunder around me as I hear them. 'No . . . . there is no return.' Grr speaks once more, but the words are lost to me as I revel in my darkness, words swarming around me before sounding out.
'I paid the price for my hunger.. ' I force the sound of a laugh, but it is hollow and humourless. 'At least I can aid those others who face death... as I did once before.'
Joah looks to Grr and pauses before turning her gaze to Omega as she continues, trying not to meet the Ladys eye. "Pontifex said there is another way."
Omega flinches visibly at the second mention of her former lover, turning towards the street and moving away. Grr takes ntoe of the time and moves away with a grin during the disheartening conversation, simply stating 'Awright, DJin' time.'
I allow my silver eyed gaze to fall upon Joah and I shake my head once more, my eye surely reflecting my sorrow as I find it unable to hide. 'Sadly.. this is my lot, darkness has claimed me as one of its own.. it will be reluctant to relinquish its grasp on me.'
Joah watches Grr head into the DJ booth before turning towards me. "He said you can possess the living . . . should you desire to live with the feel of flesh about you again," Her voice is quiet, and she casts her gaze to the doorway seeking to see Omega there, disappointed when she cannot see her.
Larissa sighs audibly and speaks, trying to ease what has become a rather sombre situation. "As long as you feel..." She raises her head and smiles towards Grr .Let's dance, dead or alive...'
Grr replies from behind the DJ booth as he prepares to play his music. 'Dance is tha Gift we give back' I shake my head, not heeding their words.
'Should I wear the mantle of another... I would be allowing just another piece of my humanity to escape me.' I force the sound of a sigh. 'I will think... I shall see you later..' I head for the door, waving a hand as I walk away. Larissas voice follows me as I exit, simply bidding me farewell.
Omega stood upon the street as I drifted past her, her eyes upon me. I inclined my head once more. 'Until later Sanguine Lady'
I walked slowly away, wanting time.. time to think, time.. which I seemed to be caught within.. not feeling it pass me by.